tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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