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grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
