I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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