I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
