I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
