I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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