i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
