guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
