around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
