if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
