dude i'm inner monologue high
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
