If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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