A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
