she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
