I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
