I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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