he shaved USA in his pubs
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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