its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
