He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your penis caused this!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
