My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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