How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
