Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
