Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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