At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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