you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
