An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
