even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
