Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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