Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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