Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
