Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so explain again why im purple
no
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
