another moral hangover. fuck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
