the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
