i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
