you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
