Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
