I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
