I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
