so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
