i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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