sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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