who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My brain says no but my pants say off.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
