my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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