I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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