I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
