Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
