our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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