either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
