grandma shit on top of the toilet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
