sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
