So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
